he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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