My boss' voice literally gives me gas
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
