his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
