Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
