I feel great
I just peed on a car
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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