If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Randomize
