I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
how drunk are you?
Several
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
