Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
