Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
