Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
