Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
