she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
