sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
