Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
