**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
