Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
