i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
