I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
