You smell like a Billy Joel song
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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