Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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