I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize