Nicole vs. Life
I'm jealous of your bromance
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
