I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize
