Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
