You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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