Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
