He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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