took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
