I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
