anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
