Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
