ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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