you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
that is very illegal...i love you.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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