I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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