fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
