Umm I'm too high to move.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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