just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
