i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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