some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
