Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
