I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Dicks are not precious.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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