You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
