oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
