Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Its about making memories worth repressing
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
In America we eat man semen.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
