:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
