my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
