called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
