All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you traded sex for a burrito?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
