During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
