mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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