whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
