Why are handjobs necessary in class?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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