He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
