Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
