The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so let's talk penis.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
