Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
