Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I didn't notice because vodka
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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