Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
