Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
