Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
