Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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