she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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