everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
