I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
