3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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