Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize