my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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