It's Friday. Sex?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
