Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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