its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
