Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
we're so committed to being not committed
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
