Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
