Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
