I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize