Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
