After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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