dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
