Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
