I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
