I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
