Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
