Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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