You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
