YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
