i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
