White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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