I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
