If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
