So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
