I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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