tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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