The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
