I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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