ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize