i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
