exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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