we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
