no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize