i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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