First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
