I wish I could punch you in the face.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
