I just saw a hot homeless man
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
