I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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