i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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