1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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