Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
