I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
